YES! WE ARE TRYING!!!

Ethan in the nursery

In the Filipino culture, people always ask personal stuff about you and your family life. It may look like gossip for the outsider, but it is merely a show of concern and probably lack of something to talk about...just like the weather...

When we were young girls, we had these dreams of finishing college, having a job, getting married, having children and traveling around the world... in precisely this order (except for traveling around the world, which can either come after having a job or before having children). But in reality, it is not always so... I should know, I had Ethan when I was still in college, got married to my crazy husband when I was 8 months pregnant, finished college, found a job then started traveling to places. In this roller coaster life of mine, I have never regretted anything that happened to me.

Ethan around 4-6 months

Back when I was 25, my life was as perfect as it can be... I finished college and employed in a good earning job. I have a beautiful 5 year old son and a husband who inspire in me opposite feelings at the same time.. Let me explain, I love my husband with all my heart, but as a person he can be really exasperating.. but that is another story.

As I was saying, I have all that I could ask for. Not all... since Ethan is already 5, we started wishing for another baby. A little girl, perhaps... Or even another boy so that Ethan can have a playmate... so we started trying... and trying.... and trying... but still no baby..

The trying part you can handle, what makes it worse is that every time we meet people, they always ask, "Don't you want to have more children?" or they say "Ethan is getting bigger already... you should have children". "Sundan niyo na si Ethan." or "Wala pa ba?". It will even go to more personal comments like "Baka mahina na asawa mo.", "Sumubok na muna sa iba." or "Talo ka pa ni ___, naunahan ka pa"

Ethan in HK MTR 2005

It is just frustrating and tiring to explain that we are going through second infertility. Yes, that is right. It doesn't mean that just because you got pregnant the first time, it will be easy conceiving the second.. It is not... We have already been to 3 Fertility Doctors, drank medicines and whatnot, changed our diets, etc. And still... NADA...

A 9-year old Ethan

For a while, I was depressed, angry and sad. Why do people who do not know how to take care of their children properly, have dozens of them? They even resort to abortion. But women who want children so badly, have a hard time getting them. I didn't like seeing pregnant women, babies, baby stuff, etc.. But after a long self accepting contemplation, I have learned to accept what is in store for us.We wish to have another baby but if it is not for us, WE understand. But, people DO NOT...

But I guess, in our culture, this is always the case. There will always be tactless people who would keep on asking and giving their unsolicited advises...Hay, when you are not married, they ask "Why don't you want to get married?" when you are married, they ask "Why don't you have children?", when you have a child "When are you going to have a next child?". It is a never-ending tirade of questions. Sometimes, I guess it would be better if we have our profiles in our foreheads saying "Finding a Husband", "Wants a Long Engagement", "Trying to Conceive".

My Beautiful Family at HK Disneyland March 2010 with Rafiki